Are you there God?

                'There is no God'.... 'God isn't real'.....

I was told these things the other night by one of my family members. My heart felt crushed. I'm not gonna lie I could have choked this person, my first thought- I want to punch you in the face & knock some sense into you. (Don't worry no anger issues here) Due to life's struggles and the decisions this individual has made, it has lead him to give up on the one who loves him above anything...The one who died to give him life. I sat there crying just thinking of what Christ gave for each one of us. How much more does his heart break over ours when his sons/daughters give up hope? What happens when faith is lost? How about when faith was never found? How can you search for words to say when they won’t be heard?

That day was nothing short of trying. I felt anger, fear, pain..  Tears streamed down my face. What could I do, how could I change things... So many thoughts ran through my mind, realizing in the end there is absolutely nothing I can do... The feeling of being helpless came over me. In my human nature I wanted to take hold of the situation, I wanted to 'fix' things; I wanted to change what was going on....

So what's the ending conclusion??... I can't control anything... It's so hard to swallow the only truth- GOD is in control, no matter how much I fight, no matter how much I try... He has a plan, He has a purpose... Trying to understand everything only leaves me more confused, I'm learning the only thing I can do is pray and keep all my faith & trust in the hands of my savior.

Now if you don't know me- one of my most difficult struggles is not having control, giving it all up, letting the reigns go. It's humbling. I'm the stubborn kid in the grocery store throwing a fit because I want a candy bar & my mom says no. I always want what I want... And when I want it.. I’m like give it to me NOW. Haha. But... that's not how God rolls- It's His will and His timing! Oh how that is bitter but so sweet!

I keep hearing God's voice override my thoughts while I’m contemplating how to fix this.  God is like a broken record on repeat...'Give it to me'... 'He must learn'... I'm grinding my teeth in the process... Buttttttt Lorddd... Why must we always try to take things in our own hands? Why don't we listen?? Why can’t we lay it all at his feet?

So here’s the infamous question.. What is Christ teaching me?

We all know he continues to open our eyes in the midst of our blind moments... It all comes down to faith... So here’s the lesson he continues to knock into my head... To have more faith in Him... To allow him to do what he does best- Be God!

God is crazy, let's just be honest! ... He never fails to amaze me with the way he goes about things. So for now I have one option...TRUST... Trust He will restore the heart of my family member... Trust His plan is far more infinite than my pesky plans... Trust in the healing for my family... Trust that He is mighty to save, even when it seems that hope has been lost.

He’s never failed me, so why doubt now.

'I'll take up my cross and go wherever you go' - Hillsong United